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(Frights! Camera! Action!) The Crypt Keeper's Final Season Unfortunately Does Not End with a Shriek but a Whimper

By. Davalyn Baker

Boy. Oh boy.

Season seven is the worst. And unfortunately, it’s also the last. I tried to figure out where the show went wrong, or what even happened. The show was transported across the pond to the United Kingdom to try something different and also cut some of the budget. What happened is a watered-down, bland reiteration of a formula that had already found its footing. Watching the episodes this season felt like trudging through a muddy ditch. It was slow, meandering, and just messy. While I appreciate the attempt made, sometimes it’s okay to just stick to what you know.

In a 2007 interview with Movie Web, John Kassir, the voice of the Crypt Keeper, stated that season seven was his favorite. He appreciated that the showrunners were trying to do something different. And despite the dip in quality with season 6, the show was still quite popular. I can respect a creator wanting to try a different approach with their art, but a show like TALES FROM THE CRYPT, known for the absolutely zany inspirations based on various comic book episodes, should probably have steered clear of the episodic transition.

It introduced British actors to audiences who may not be familiar with this group. Imelda Staunton, Daniel Craig, Natasha Richardson, Eddie Izzard, Ewan McGregor, and many more are featured in this season. I wouldn’t say that acting is the issue in any of these episodes, but the storytelling falls so flat that not even these talents can save it.

The warning signs didn't begin with Season 7. Before crossing the Atlantic for the show's final experiment, revisit our look at Season 6, where the series first began struggling to balance the Crypt Keeper's charm with increasingly uneven storytelling

Still, it isn’t all bad, and there are still some gems hidden in this rocky mountain of the season. You have to grab your pickaxe to find them, but if you want it hard enough, you’ll find it.

A Slight Case of Murder – Sharon Bannister is a popular mystery novelist, in the throes of a love triangle. Her neighbor, Mrs. Trask, played by Elizabeth Spriggs, is constantly being nosy, bothering Sharon about writing advice and tips. Mrs. Trask seemingly means no harm, but Sharon gets annoyed quickly at Mrs. Trask constantly asking if her writing will ever be as good as Sharon’s. Her ex-husband Larry, shows up one night and accuses her of having an affair with Mrs. Trask’s son, Joey. Joey does have feelings for Sharon, but as the night progresses and gets steadily more chaotic, he discovers that Sharon does not feel the same. In the end, Mrs. Trask comes in at the tail end of the debacle as the victor, deciding to use the mishaps of the night as an inspiration for her own novel. Elizabeth Spriggs is the shining star of the episode, occasionally popping in and getting on Sharon’s nerves. I love episodes like this that highlight how often elderly women are constantly ignored, and they take advantage of this silly patriarchal idea by pulling the strings behind the curtain the entire time.

Fatal Caper – Leslie Phillips plays Lord Amberson, a wealthy elderly man who longs for his estranged son. He knows that he doesn’t have much longer to live, and regrets that his fortune will go to his two sons: womanizer Justin, played by Greg Wise, and selfish and greedy Evelyn, played by James Saxon. He talks to his advisor and assistant, Redmond, portrayed by Bob Hoskins, about how he misses his son. He tells his sons that the only way they will have access to his fortune is to find their brother Frank. They enlist the beautiful Fiona Havisham, portrayed by Natasha Richardson, to help them secure their fortune without their brother's aid. Fiona has her own plans, and nothing goes the way any of the men, including Lord Amberson, planned. The plot twist is ridiculous, but teeters right on the edge of what TALES FROM THE CRYPT is known for. This is the first episode of the season, directed by Bob Hoskins, whom I knew at this time in my life from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? The episode was a strong starter and could not prepare me for the disappointment of most of this season.

Confession – There’s a serial killer on the loose, decapitating women, and the police have found their criminal. Eddie Izzard stars as a horror screenwriter, Warhol Evans. Warhol gets brought into custody when he’s discovered washing his hands, being mistaken for cleaning off blood near a crime scene. Detective Jack Lynch, played by Ciaran Hinds, interrogates Warhol using intimidation tactics, but Warhol doesn’t bend so easily to Detective Lynch’s rough approach. So, this episode is predictable, but I enjoyed watching Eddie Izzard as Warhol. Her hilarious, dry approach to the character battles well with Ciaran Hinds straight, no-nonsense Detective Lynch. There’s a great line about a series cancellation that crosses the threshold into meta territory that received a genuine chuckle from me. It doesn’t follow the usual format of what Tales from the Crypt episodes would normally make, but this episode excels far above and beyond the rest of the season. If I were to recommend an episode from this season, it would be this one.

The Third Pig – The first and last animated episode of the series, and the final episode of Tales from the Crypt in general, features great voice talent. Bobcat Goldwait voices the Big Bad Wolf in this caper that takes an alternative, even gorier spin on the retelling of The Three Little Pigs. The third pig, Dudley, is framed for the murders of his brothers, Smokey and Drinky, after they are slaughtered and eaten by the Big Bad Wolf. Dudley creates a zombie version of his two brothers, akin to Frankenstein’s monster, to get his revenge on the Big Bad Wolf. Frankenpig does succeed in his revenge, but when the deed is done, Dudley decides to put the creation down, unknowingly reviving The Big Bad Wolf. Maybe not the greatest episode, but absolutely my favorite of the season. I’m reminded fondly of those oddly drawn cartoons I would sneak and watch as kids that my mother and grandmother despised. Ren & Stimpy, Rocko’s Modern Life, and Eek! The Cat comes to mind. This is a great episode for Millennial viewers rewatching the show to relive the oddities that crossed our paths as kids and that we loved.

And there you have it; that’s TALES FROM THE CRYPT. I’m sad but also relieved that we’re done, and I’m glad the showrunners realized this show was now dead in the water. It ended before it could get any worse. It’s such a shame that the show that started with a roar ended with a whisper.

Now that the Crypt Keeper has finally closed the coffin lid, revisit our look at Season 5, the point where the series was still delivering memorable performances, inventive stories, and the campy horror that made TALES FROM THE CRYPT a television classic.